Dust in the Wind

Yesterday, I took Ely to the park across from her daycare. It's the first time she's played there because the equipment is mostly for bigger kids, but it was shady, so I thought it would make a nice change.

The ground was a dusty sort of sand that she loved to pick up and let fall through her fingers, watching the way the wind fanned it out. She kept checking with me to see if I would countenance the mess-making, and when I smiled at her, she ran over to me, exclaiming about how pretty it was.

She was chattering about Belle (her newest favorite Disney princess), making up stories about her as she played on the equipment. For some reason, she keeps calling her "Jingle Belle". I guess she misses Christmas!

That night as we cuddled for bed, she decided she wanted to read me the bedtime story. Making it up as she went along, she read the entire "K" book from her Sesame Street alphabet books. It amazes me how much she remembers, and how easily she fills in her memory gaps with her own prose!

Why Be a Mother?

I think this post has captured why I want to be a mom. With the ugly decisions I've had to make recently, and the fear of the future lodged somewhere between my heart and the new baby coming, I just want to give everything to both my daughters. I can easily say if I had to choose between my life and one of theirs, there would be no hesitation. All the discomfort of being pregnant and taking care of a toddler without a husband beside me, all of my fears about my decisions pale in comparison. If my life has to be filled with loneliness so that I might give them the best chance at happiness I can, than I choose that loneliness with joy. I'm not sure why, except that I hope it can help them see how precious they are. No matter what they choose to become, they are worth everything I can give and more.

Hiding

This morning, Ely woke without my help. I think she is finally getting used to the summer light and her sleep schedule. When I went in to help her get dressed, I said, "Morning, beautiful!" the way I usually do. She was tucked under her blankets.

She said, "I'm hiding!"

I asked her, "You're hiding? Where are you?" She just giggled, so I told her I was hiding, too. I took her other blanket and put it over my head. She was laughing that bright, happy laugh that touches the core of my heart.

She said, "I hide, too!" and cuddled under my blanket with me.

I told her, "We're hiding together."

She said, "Yep!" and laughed and laughed. It was a very good morning. There is something so sweetly innocent in the way she plays with me. I wish I could form each of these memories into pearls and string them together, to take out and remember when she is older. I did not know it was possible to love so much.